He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I need to sanitize my soul.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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