whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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