I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
