..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
