I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I am available for nakedness
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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