I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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