I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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