My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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