it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
