If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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