So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
