Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
