so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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