These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
