I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
