You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
should my penis look like a turkey
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
