but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
