We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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