Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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