waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
