They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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