Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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