This girl is more easily done than said...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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