i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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