i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
