I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
