As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
