I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
