Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
