you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
