drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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