Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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