she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
