i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
