Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
