I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
