i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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