I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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