I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
