how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
