I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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