Your dad touched me again.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
