she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
