nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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