i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My vagina just recognized that song.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
