maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
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the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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