Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
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Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
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$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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