That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
