I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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