forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
NoShamevember. You game?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
