I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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