hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Randomize
