I'm going to jail i love you
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
