So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
