I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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