I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
