I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
