You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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