Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
