Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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