So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
