Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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