did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
