i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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