I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
