I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
