was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
